EZ guide to find your niche in competitive cycling.

The Simplified Bicycle Racer Category Chart
Category 1
Walks on water, trains on ice, rides in anything. Sprints two kilometers. Will attack on a 30% grade, going up or down. Can change flats while riding. Resting heart rate is between 30 and 35, max heart rate is 200 to 230. Measures distance training in terms of Tour de France stages.
Category 2
Rides across water, trains in snow. Sprints one kilometer. Will attack on a 10% grade, going up or down. Can change flats while still in the pedals. Resting heart rate is between 40 and 45, max heart rate is 185 to 200. Measures distance training in terms of centuries per day.
Category 3
Rides through water. Sprints 500 to 600 meters. Will attack on a 5% grade going down. Can change flats in under 3 minutes, but must get off the bike first. Resting heart rate is between 50 and 55, max heart rate is 185 to 200. Measures distance training in terms of centuries per week.
Category 4
Rides around water. Sprints 200 to 300 meters. Will attack on the flats. Can change a flat in under 5 minutes. Resting heart rate is between 50 and 60, max heart rate is 160 to 180. Measures distance training in terms of 10's per day.
Category 5
Rides in light rain. Sprints 50 to 100 meters. Will attack on the flat if someone in front falls down. Can change flats in best two out of three tries. Resting heart rate is between 60 and 70, max heart rate is 160 to 170. Measures distance training in terms of miles per day.

ABC riders ( before the prez went out and recruit HP cyclist as trainer)
Rides alternate July17th's, if it isn't too hot and there are no pro sports on the tube. Sprints two meters with 20 minute rest stops. Will attack a pizza with both hands. Has noticed that the rear tire has been flat for two years. Resting heart rate is 90, max heart rate is 93. Measures distance training in terms of how far it is to the nearest Baskin-Robbins.